Muhabat jaan kr meine, ussay apna sanam maa'na,
Sanam tarashnaa lekin, hai ussnay gunaa'h jaana...
Suno dono musaafir hain, safar bhi sath krte hain,
Safar mein aein mumkin hai, dilon mein waswasay paa'na!
Tumhara naam lene se, meri rooh tak charaagha'n hai,
Jo ye ho sakay tumse, issay aa kr bujhaa jaana...
yours? i think you have done really well here. replace the word JO with AGAR in the last misra and that will be ok.
ReplyDeletesecond sher is pretty good.
second misra of first sher is out of wazan. first misra is pretty good.
Yes, mine. Thank you. Appreciated! :)
ReplyDeleteOne of my teachers said the same about using the word AGAR instead of JO and also the very same about the second misra of the first sher!
Khud ko jalate ham re gaye
ReplyDeletewoh ayenge bujhane aaj nahi to kal
Jo bikhar chuke hai rishte dil ke
woh ayenge suljhane aaj nahi to kal
Aa gaye sau ishraq, sau shaamein duub gayi
Rote rote zindagi se kaha, tu bhi kya khuub gayi
Loved your nazm..Beautifully done
Came across your blog through Nidhi :)