On thoughts...!

There' s just so much that goes inside your little brain, especially when you're a complete maniac like me. Sometimes, I just sit thinking what it is that I really want to do in life? Keep chasing men all my life and join the ultimate quest for the pursuit of happiness by doing the same or get settled with the one who isn't really my type, yet expresses his profound love for me?

Yes... life has this weird way of banging up on you, when you least expect it!

And I think some more... do I just want plain appreciation from a couple of anonymous bloggers for posting such intricate views about my life or do I want a warm, strong embrace of this one man who claims to hold me every time I fall? Do I want men who can communicate with me by weaving a delicate web of lies, using their overwhelming verbosity, or do I seek the absolutely unintellectual conversation with this man who says he knows me inside out? This man, who knows that my dreams often trouble me and upon waking up, I shall reach out to him.

Sometimes when I'm suddenly quiet, he asks me as to what is wrong and I just shake my head... I see him flinch, I see him want to reach into my mind to find out what it is that bothers me. It is at this point that I long to tell him, that there is no point in trying to conquer all of me, as there are parts of my personality that I dare not tread upon... there's just too much, too much that encompasses of what I truly am. Too much of what I keep hiding from my own self. Too much that I certainly don't wish to encounter. And all of this I shall keep stored, word by word, into the very depths of my soul... will he be able to understand that this is what makes me, what completes me... or will I have to forever lie?

Written on 07.09.2011